*How To Kill A Lion*
_*(Corporate Style)*_
1. *PFIZER METHOD*:
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectations, never ask for anything in the first two months. After two months, tell him that you have to achieve your yearly target in 9 months. The thought that if he does not achieve his target he will lose the jungle ensures his death.
2. *AMAZON METHOD*:
Hire a lion, give him a hell of a lot of work, pay him a fat salary, more than the industry. Restructure his job every six months, as per your fancies.
If he kills two goats a day, next day give him a target of killing 20 elephants a day while knowing that there are only 10 elephants available. Lion dies of exhaustion & overkill.
3. *ZOMATO METHOD*:
Hire a lion and give him a post of a cat, then force the lion to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. Lion will eventually die of starvation.
4. *TCS METHOD*:
Hire a lion and set a cut-off time. Give the lion a spoon instead of a knife and ask him to extract 60kg meat out of a 40kg goat or else the lion will be forced to become a dog. Lion dies out of frustration and stress.
5. *JP MORGAN METHOD*:
Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least three times a week. Send the lion in the jungle to inspect how he can cancel the licence of fox, wolf or jackal who have violated the 3000 page circular. Lion dies of stagnation and boredom.
6. *MICROSOFT METHOD*:
Hire a lion and give him 60 kgs of meat to eat everyday when he can eat only 30 kg. Lion dies of overeating.
7. *GOOGLE METHOD*:
Recruit a lion, ask him to kill an elephant without any cut or blood oozing out from the body. Lion is forced to learn from ducks, rabbits and pigeons on how to kill dinosaurs. Lion is provided with two wolves to help in killing, but with a condition that the wolves will not move or attack. Lion dies of confusion and paradoxes.
8. *FLIPKART METHOD*:
Flipkart is out of the race as they are still thinking as to what is a lion?
9. *JIO METHOD*:
Hire a lion and show him the forest from far. Keep moving the forest so that he keeps running. He never gives up 'coz there are many like him running. Finally he retires half way, or dies in the stampede.
10. *SBI METHOD* :
Hire a lion, give him lowest possible salary and allowances. Start three-four campaigns at the same time. Give him unachievable targets. Don't give subordinates. Change software suddenly. Call meetings and threaten him to transfer to a remote branch. Lion dies cursing his bad luck.